We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
