Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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