That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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