he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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