IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
