I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
