dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As shirtless as possible
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
