well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
