I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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