I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
