Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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