For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
