The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm both gender and math confused
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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