My nipple is on Facebook.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
