No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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