remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
