The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
