well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
