you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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