The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need a beard to bite.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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