at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
