I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
