You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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