So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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