cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
