I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
