Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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