There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
