you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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