Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
