After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
