I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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