Are we in a gay sports bar?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
