i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
