I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
