You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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