I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
