The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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