I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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