Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
