oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
