I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
