i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So squirting runs in the family.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
