How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like eating out sand paper
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
