The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
