woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
