i barfeds in our rink
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
