We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
