actually, I'm a sock model
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
