hell yes lets make some ravioli
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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