i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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