So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
