You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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