Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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