You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
