is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
